Q: What are some tips on preventing abuse and violence?

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		Talk to your children The first step in preventing abuse is talking with your children. Since their birth I have been very open and honest with my children in regard to appropriate names for body parts. I found that if you begin when they are young, you never have to have the "dreaded" sex talk with them when they reach puberty. Teach your children the correct names for body parts Always teach your children the correct names of body parts even though it might sound "strange" to hear the word penis or vagina coming from a 4 year old. When my children disclosed their abuse, their ability to identify and appropriately name the body parts, helped the investigators build their case. There was no doubt as to what occurred. Never Force Your Children Never force your children to kiss or hug anyone if they do not want to. Even if dear old Great-Aunt Matilda´s feelings get hurt, it is important that you respect your child´s right to say no to a physical situation in which they feel uncomfortable. If you force a child to do this, they learn/believe that they are helpless when it comes to saying no to adults. Do NOT Obey Without Question Obeying without question was a MISTAKE I made with my children prior to their abuse. It was our family rule that if Mom or Dad told a child to do something they were to do it without question. This came back to haunt me when I asked my children why they didn´t tell their father NO. They responded in all their innocence that they just did what they were told. Our NEW family rule is that if a child is told to do something that will not hurt them, they are to do it without question. If they don´t feel comfortable with it they are to tell another adult immediately. Needless to say, with this new rule, my parents have been involved in many discussions on chores and yard work because my children didn´t want to do it and thought I was being "mean". But, now, my children have the right to say NO or at least get another opinion before being "forced" to clean their bedroom! National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse For further information on child sexual abuse and other forms of abuse, write to: National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse P.O. Box 2866 Chicago, IL 60690 Prevent Sexual Abuse Stay alert to sexual abuse and teach your children what it is. Tell them they can and should say NO! or STOP! to adults who threaten them sexually. Make sure your children know that it´s OK to tell you about any attempt to molest them - no matter who the offender is. The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages you to take the following steps: Talk to your child about sexual abuse. Teach your child about the privacy of body parts. Listen when your child tries to tell you something, especially when it seems hard for her to talk about it. Know with whom your child is spending time. Be careful about letting your child spend time in out-of-the-way places with other adults or older children. Plan to visit your child´s caregiver without notice. Tell someone in authority if you suspect that your child or some else´s child is being abused. Prevention measures to safeguard your children should begin early, since a number of child abuse cases involve preschoolers. Breaking the Pattern of Anger Some techniques to break the system down include doing something out of character; different. For example, intentionally slow the process down by going for a walk by yourself. Take some space. Move your body. If necessary, take some weird, unreasonable action. Laugh where you would usually swear. Close your eyes and imagine a peaceful scene. Just do something out of character at that precise time. Break the pattern and not just this one time, but every time it re-occurs. The Non-Violent Ideal The non-violent ideal can be described as follows: Talking and acting so that others feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves. No threats during arguments. Don´t say things which are so aggressive that the other person is obliged to fight back. Listening to others non-judgmentally. No name calling such as "you are stupid." No interrupting and stay on the same eye level. No browbeating or finger-pointing. Don´t use the words "never" or "always." Give the other person time to collect their thoughts before responding. Stay in the present tense. Deal with the here and now; not the past. Respecting the right of others to have their own though different feelings, friends, activities and opinions; Accepting responsibility for your own actions including open and truthful communication. be honest even if it hurts. Take responsibility for the way you feel. It´s not the other person´s fault. Don´t say "You make me so ..." Say: "I am mad," instead. Being a positive non-violent role model for children; Making family decisions with a spouse and doing a fair share of family work; Seeking resolutions to conflicts that are satisfying to both parties. This includes accepting change and being willing to compromise. Approach arguments as problem-solving challenges. There are no winners or losers; only differences to resolve. Increasing your frustration tolerance level when circumstances do not go the way you want them to. Remember: things do not always have to go your way. The world does not revolve around you. The Cycle of Anger One theory on anger suggests that it always results from a cycle of events or as part of a predetermined system as follows: A situation occurs which causes a stressor and provokes thoughts. Each individual reacts differently to each situation. What may cause you stress may not cause stress to another. We each have our own baggage of past events which conditions our responses to different situations. We all attach different meaning to events. But each person can look for these anger-causing situations and try to identify the common variables within them. The first step in controlling anger is to identify the constellation of events which triggers it in you. The triggers are often related to family of origin issues. For example, you may discover that you get angry with a child when the child acts in a way which sub-consciously triggers a negative sensation to that behavior because of childhood experiences. These thoughts cause sensations which ... bring rise to emotions. These emotions drive action such as rage or fury and ... causes reaction. Sometimes the cycle ends with promises or commitments not to do something and then ... a de-escalation period intervenes until the next cycle. Break the Anger Cycle Recourse can always be had to time-honored techniques which not only relieve stress but which can also destabilize and disconnect your anger cycle: Avoid coffee and sugar. "It´s your party" and you can cry if you want to. Stop the anger-building self-talk. Exercise regularly. Exercise relieves anxiety. Humor. Rent funny videos, avoid the violent ones. Write in a personal diary. Express your feelings in ink. Experiment with relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing or Yoga. Talking about your pain or family of origin frustrations. Romance and sex. There´s nothing like loving intimacy to keep that testosterone under control! Music. More sleep. No alcohol or mind-altering drugs. Spend at least 15-minutes with yourself every day, just enjoying the simple fact that you´re alive. Explore and develop your own spirituality. VOLUNTEER - Prevent Child Abuse America Chapters Prevent Child Abuse America Chapters. You can be involved in preventing child abuse by joining the Prevent Child Abuse America Chapter in your state. If the chapter does not have programs close to where you live, it can probably refer you to other volunteer programs for child abuse prevention in your area. For the Prevent Child Abuse America chapter nearest you or for further information on how to get involved with Prevent Child Abuse America , contact: Prevent Child Abuse America, PO Box 2866, Chicago, IL 60690, or call (312) 663-3520. VOLUNTEER - Parents Anonymous (P.A.) Parents Anonymous (P.A.) www.parentsanonymous-natl.org, serves abused children and parents under stress. Volunteer opportunities include forming or moderating new P.A. groups, providing child care services, working with abused children, conducting fund raising, and conducting publicity events. To locate a group in your area, look in the white pages of your telephone directory under Parents Anonymous or contact National Parents Anonymous, 675 W. Foothill Blvd, Ste 220, Claremont, CA 91711, (909) 621-6184. Fighting Elder Abuse We can fight elder abuse on many different fronts. First of all, public education is extremely important. Both elders themselves, and the public at large, need to understand more clearly what elder abuse is, why it happens, how to recognize it, and what can be done about it. Second, elders need to retain as much power and control over their own lives as possible, since this reduces the risk of abuse. Knowledge is empowering, so it is important that older people know their rights. In addition, we need to ensure that the elderly have the power to make everyday life choices, as much as is possible. For example, organizations and institutions who work with or house the elderly need policies that promote this empowerment. Also, there are specific empowerment strategies that can be taught to elders. Third, there are some systemic issues that need to be addressed. Agism, for example, creates a social environment which makes it easier for elder abuse to occur. Abusers with stereotyped views of the elderly as frail or senile, or who feel that the old have less inherent worth than younger people, may be able to rationalize abusive behaviors. We all need to make it clear that agism is unacceptable. Avoid Rape/Date Rape Avoid parties or groups where alcohol or drug use is excessive. Studies of date rape show that 75% of the date-rapists, and 55% of the victims, had been drinking or taking drugs before the rape occured. Avoid people who make you feel uncomfortable. If you´re going to a party, establish a buddy system with a friend; watch out for each other. When you´re leaving, don´t announce that you´re walking alone. Try to walk home with a friend or in groups. Don´t give a whole bunch of information about yourself to a person you just met. People can´t read you mind: if someone´s doing something to you that you´re not comfortable with, say "no." Always have some taxi money in your pockets in case you want to go home. Never walk home through deserted areas like parkland or railroad tracks. Do not hitchhike. Abuse Prevention Early attempts to prevent steroid abuse concentrated on drug testing and on educating students about the drugs´ adverse effects. A more sophisticated approach has shown promise for preventing steroid abuse among players on high school sports teams. In the ATLAS program, developed for male football players, coaches and team leaders discuss the potential effects of anabolic steroids and other illicit drugs on immediate sports performance, and they teach how to refuse offers of drugs. They also discuss how strength training and proper nutrition can help adolescents build their bodies without the use of steroids. Later, special trainers teach the players proper weightlifting techniques. A program designed for adolescent girls on sports teams, patterned after the program designed for boys, is currently being tested. Utilize Problem-Solving Techniques Make An Anger Management Plan. * Brainstorm Ideas (What have I already tried? What was successful in the past? What would I like to see happen differently?) * Use small, realistic steps. You cannot change BIG anger problems overnight. * Set priorities. You cannot do everything that may need to get done. Write a list and choose the most important one to start. Do that one before doing any other things. * Find a support group to encourage and give you feedback. * Evaluate your progress. Reflect On Your Progress Don´t be discouraged by failure. Failure is normal and part of the learning process. Have the courage to be imperfect and learn from your mistakes. VOLUNTEER - Social Service Departments Social Service Departments. Many social service agencies that investigate suspected cases of child abuse and offer services to parents under stress use volunteers. Agencies are listed in the telephone directory, usually under the state´s Department of Social Services, Protective Services, Social and Rehabilitative Services, or Children and Family Services. Creating Safety Make sure you and others are physically and emotionally safe. * Assess for danger: Alcohol or drug use, weapons, intensity of rage, etcetera. * Remove yourself from the power struggle temporarily to cool down. * Diffuse the anger by using a calm voice and validating the others feelings. * Redirect the anger into a safer form of expression or detect the real cause of the anger ("you are not angry at me, you are really angry at the car not starting...the overdue bills...the loss of privileges..."). Parenting Alcoholism affects not only the person who drinks, but the entire family as well. Since all children are influenced by and dependent on their parents, children who grow up in alcoholic families are particularly vulnerable to many problems. There is a lot of denial, many secrets, and little emotional stability in alcoholic families. And the alcohol can make the parent change from loving to angry, from caring to neglectful. For these reasons, I´d highly suggest educating yourself about healthy parenting skills. You need to learn from others what is normal and what is not. Don´t be embarrassed by attending parenting classes; after all, you wouldn´t pilot a 727 jetliner without being certified, would you? It´s the same with parenting: why put yourself in the "pilot´s seat" without the training? VOLUNTEER - Volunteer Clearinghouses Volunteer Clearinghouses. Volunteer clearinghouses can refer you to local organizations that use volunteers. To find a volunteer clearinghouse in your community, look in the telephone book under such names as Volunteer, Voluntary Referral Center, or Voluntary Action Center.

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Substance Abuse Frequently Asked Questions

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teen drug abuse, teen alcoholism, signs of drug use, rehab centers, 12-step meetings

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