September 13, 2002, Newsletter Issue #48: Ability to Say No
Tip of the Week
The ability to say "no" to sex and have those wishes honored is critical to healing. The survivor was not given a choice about the abuse and may instinctively react as if there is no choice today if the issue is not made perfectly clear. It may be wise to let the survivor take the lead on whether to initiate sex for awhile. If the partner does initiate sex, however, the partner needs to clearly communicate the survivorīs freedom to decline.
Beyond avoiding blatantly abusive behavior such as forcing a survivor, a partner must take care to avoid pressuring a survivor or causing the survivor to feel guilty about exercising his or her right to decline sexuality. A survivor who engages in sexual activity where he or she does not actively wish to do so can be retraumatized and the healing process seriously delayed.. It would be nearly impossible to place too great an emphasis on the importance of choice.
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